The only thing we have to fear is Fear the Walking Dead itself.
Last night, I made the mistake of tuning back in for the second season premiere of Fear, and if you think we were disappointed in TWD‘s sixth season finale…well, that was nothing. I can’t think of another current series that has clunkier dialogue or a dumber crowd of people; when a semi-lucid junkie is one of your smartest characters, it’s time to pack up the boat and go home. In summary, following last season’s look at a group of exceedingly dim people reacting to the beginnings of the zombie outbreak, a couple of neighborhood families have ended up on (mysterious! wealthy! good looking!) Victor Strand’s (Colman Domingo) boat — where they continue their reign of stupid — most of the adults playing victim to willfully ignorant teenagers. Kim Dickens has been hired for her excellent thoughtful — nay, soulful! — staring, as well as her ability to utter “Oh my god” several times throughout any given episode — usually in reaction to something stupid one of her fellow cast mates has done. In this case, her boyfriend’s idiotic son (who’d rather be killed and facilitate his father’s death than leave his mother’s dead body behind) decides to go for a swim by himself, jumping off Strand’s luxury liner while everyone else is living it up on booze and eel (ugly but tasty). So, of course someone has to follow the sullen boy to save him from himself, and of course that has to be (another teenager) Nick (Frank Dillane) — who bears an uncanny resemblance to a young Johnny Depp, thereby securing a certain audience demographic — because this wouldn’t be a version of TWD if we weren’t waiting for a walker to *unexpectedly* (yeah, right) pop up out of nowhere at least once an hour. And that, my friends, is all you really need to know about this show. So, let’s move on and forget we ever heard about it, unless there’s another Preacher promo (in which case, record, fast-forward, watch the promo, and promptly hit “delete”).
Speaking of Preacher, by far the best part of the entire hour was a few short minutes in a car with Ruth Negga’s Tulip O’Hare having a brutally vicious fight that’ll leave you breathless.
So, the fights are going to be great, and the cast is obviously perfection (Dominic Cooper as Jesse, Joe Gilgun as Cassidy, Jackie Early Haley as Odin), but it’s a mystery how they’re (Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Sam Catlin) going to incorporate the rampant sex and profanity…and otherworldliness. No matter; I’ll watch every episode of Preacher ten times over before I ever sit through another hour of Fear the Walking Dead.