We here at Oohlo strive to conform to the highest standards of journalistic excellence when we write about comic book TV shows, movie trailers and celebrity fashion. So when our Beloved Majordomo Cindy asked me to uphold the site’s mission and impartially judge the epic Lip Sync Battle between Marvel TV favorites Hayley Atwell and Clark Gregg, I took it as my solemn duty to watch and decide just how awesome Hayley is. And that Gregg guy, he’s ok too, but how can you not just looooove Hayley.
Anyway on with the judging.
Hayley Atwell, Round 1
Dressed in black jacket and jeans that could teach Jessica Jones a thing or two about looking good. She did “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” with all the floor writhing and hair flipping one would expect. Struggles a bit once the song goes beyond the 15 second Dubsmash limit but recovers nicely. 7.5 out of 10
Clark Gregg, Round 1
Dressed in a sportcoat and jeans, Gregg sheds the coat and his glasses as the first strains of “Rumpshaker” – a song he said his mom used to sing around the family home – start up. His hip-hop moves are pretty solid, but his war face looks more “sucked on a lemon” than “fierce.” The dancing slows to a bob as he tries to keep up with the rapid-fire lyrics of the song. He closes with an impressive Roger Rabbit. 6 out of 10 (Points deducted for a lack of actual rump shaking).
Clark Gregg, Round 2
Everybody goes mildly bananas when Gregg strolls across the stage dressed a flight attendant from Britney Spears Air complete with hot pants and tufts of chest hair from his cleavage. Drag was Gregg’s go-to during the comic con battles and the charity Dubsmash war. This continues a trend. The “passenger” he plucks from the seat is of course Jennifer Grey (the bitchy sister from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and some movie with Patrick Swayze that isn’t Road House). There is rump shaking in this number and it was accentuated by the shorty short shorts. The fierce expression still looks like he’s having a seizure.
His end of song slide is hindered by all the leg in the shorty short shorts. That’ll leave a mark. 9 out of 10 (Points added for not putting Baby in the corner)
Hayley Atwell, Round 2
Emerging from what appears to be a giant luggage carrier, Hayley looks like the Slim Jim Guy‘s goth sister as the strings of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” start up. Hayley is bringing it with the facial expressions. This is how you do fierce, Clark. It can’t be easy to keep in sync when you are in a latex cat suit, platform stiletto boots and a crown thingy on your head that’s being held on your head with an elastic string like a birthday hat. She brings full on lip quiver when Gaga hits the high note of the song. “It’s going to get weird, and I’m going to commit.” 11 out of 10. (Points added for Hayley being the Queen of Everything).
The impartial Oohlo.com winner is … HAYLEY ATWELL!!!
However, the audience (including some Oohlo commenters in the audience) were evidently blinded by the reflection off Clark Gregg’s pasty thighs and picked him as the winner. We have this parting message for the LSB audience: