MAKE IT STOP, 2016.
Their terrible, horrible, awful, no-good, very bad statement:
Over the past few months we’ve come to the conclusion that the best way forward for us as a family is to separate as a couple. It is with great love, respect, and friendship in our hearts that we look forward to raising our children together and exploring this new phase of our relationship. While we appreciate your curiosity and support, we ask the press to be mindful of our children and respect their right to privacy.
I CAAAAAAAN’T GO OOOOON! Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts were our next Tom and Rita! They were always together. They were always together with their adorable moppet-headed kids! They rode bikes together!
They were in love, and I believed.
And, now, there is nothing left in our hearts but fear and beer fumes, as we prepare for the most unpredictable presidential debate of our lives.
I have to go do shots now. If any other celebrity couples plan to divorce, please just get it overwith tonight and let the world subsist on dying embers.