The Five Most Likely Explanations for Trump’s “Covfefe” Tweet

What is “covfefe”?

That’s the question heard around the world Twitter this morning after 45 sent out yet another seemingly nonsensical, after-midnight message nobody could decipher.

The tweet really isn’t that difficult to explain; this is probably just another case of his fumbling thumbs. Despite what some people might think, the man’s hands are actually (in his mind) yuge, or at least his thumbs may be disproportionately large. Look at this guy, he’s like a big-pawed pu … oaf.

This morning, after he realized his mistake and wanted to feel in on the joke, Trump issued a challenge,

and using my crack investigative skills since I haven’t had an entire cuppa yet, this is probably as close to “trumpthink” as I can get; here are the 5 most likely meanings of “covfefe”.

5.  Despite the constant negative “pressure, coffee” …

Following his overseas trip where, for the first time in his life, 45 saw the magic of a French press, Trump’s mind was plagued by trying to figure out how to get the coffee out. Negative pressure? Press the coffee? It’s all so bewildering …

4.  Despite the constant negative “pressure on me” …

I will prevail. And, I am still the prezzie. Neener!

3.  It’s a motivational acronym, meant only for himself:  Despite the constant negative press, Come Off Very Fearsome, Extra Fierce, Extraordinary!

2.  It’s a two-part code message to persons unknown. Despite the constant negative press, “cov” (Confirmation of Victory) + “fefe” (or “fifi”) (a masturbatory aid), meaning that regardless of media coverage, Trump believes he’s doing well after his first overseas trip, and plans to jerk off.

1.  But, even I’ll admit that those are probably not what he meant to tweet. Since the simplest explanation is usually the correct one, this is just another in a long line of idiotic mistakes. What Trump meant to say was:  “Despite the constant negative press coverage of me” … and then before he could finish the thought, with those giant thumbs, he accidentally hit Tweet.

Cindy Davis

Cindy Davis has been writing about the entertainment industry for ​over ten years, and is the ​Editor-in-Chief at Oohlo, where she muses over television, movies, and pop culture. Previous Senior News Editor at Pajiba, and published at BUST.

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